Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Blogher prompt: 5 things in my fridge at this VERY moment...because you want to know.

Just for fun I checked out the Blogher daily blog writing prompt for today and I thought, hey. Okay. But why would anyone want to read about 5 things in my fridge and what I think of them? I don't really know. 

Here we go then:

Five things in my fridge and what I think of them:

1. Hot sauce. Sriracha, to be more precise. Two bottles, because I'd cry real tears if I ran out. I've loved Sriracha for a long time because it's delicious, not because I'm trendy. The very thought that I would obsess and adore a condiment and slather it liberally on everything I eat so people will think I'm hip and cool is STOO-PID. How the fuck many people watch me eat my meals? Not counting the dog, most days it's a grand total of two people, both under the age of 16, who will always think I'm uncool by default because they're my kids. If you count the dog among those who see me eat on a daily basis, it's still only two people, because he's a dog. 

2. Sitting in a small green bowl congealing in it's own juices is, leftover beef stew. The beef stew is all about betrayal and regret. Both kids say, we love beef stew! They come to the table, gaze upon the all the stewy goodness and they change their minds. I personally like the gravy, potatoes, and carrots, not the chunks of beef though. I like to smash the potatoes and carrots into a paste in my bowl with the salty brown gravy. I like to eat this mash with a huge squirt of Sriracha, of course, it goes without saying. 

3. There is one leftover pancake from Saturday breakfast. Every Saturday morning my husband makes the best pancakes. One side of the pancake is always full of little air holes like the inside of an English muffin. The butter melts and seeps into the pancake and then the syrup drips into the holes and it is good. As an aside, I have tried Sriracha on pancakes. While I will sing the praises of burritos with Sriracha, pizza with Sriracha, omelets with Sriracha, egg salad sandwiches and tuna salad sandwiches and even just regular old salad plain with no sandwiches with Sriracha, and also rice, soup, and stew, I do not recommend Sriracha on pancakes.  

4. Margarine I mean, not butter. I referred to butter a moment ago but I lied. We use margarine. The kind with no trans fat, the kind that is supposed to raise your good cholesterol. I don't know if it works but it alleviates my lipid guilt. I'm secretly ashamed that we don't eat real butter but real butter scares me. I think real butter wants me dead. I have many friends who say real butter won't kill me but the margarine is the bad guy, but science tells me that butter is lard made from milk and it's gunning for my arteries. Milk lard. Mmmm. I actually love butter on crackers with Sriracha. You should try it, if you're okay with real butter. Probably good with margarine too.

5. Since I'm feeling all guilty anyway I'm going to bring up the fact that my vegetable crisper is full of wizened carrots. I have a juicer. I thought, carrot juice! What a way to start my day! I'm too motivationally challenged to French press a cup of coffee in the morning, do I really think I'd be able to assemble the juicer, wash and trim the icky ends off  20 carrots, cut them up into small enough bits to fit in the stupidly small opening of the juicer, and patiently feed the carrot bits into the juicer, while the machine sputters and growls like an outboard motor at 5:30 in the morning? I won't even go into the horror of taking it apart and cleaning it.

And while I'm on the topic of cleaning things, why is it so difficult to keep the fridge clean? Food is clean. The fridge holds the clean food, so why does it get so disgusting in there? I blame the Sriracha. No. Not really. But I bet my rating on the hip and cool scale has gone way way up today. 

Thanks Sriracha. I'd be a pathetic non-person without you.

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