Thursday, July 21, 2016

Too Pooped to Pop

You know that awkward moment when you need to use a public restroom to take the first poo of the day, and you know it's going to be an earth shattering shit splattering mega event? And you're in there and trying to keep the noise down, sort of like that time when you were on xmas break in college and you brought your 'friend' home with you and you're trying (unsuccessfully) to have quiet sex in you childhood bed with your parents "sleeping" on the other side of  2 inches of drywall and an assortment of Nirvana and Peal Jam posters?

You know what I'm saying here?

So you're taking your morning crap, feeling a little self conscious, trying to keep the noise down to a dull squilch, and you flush that shit away and wash your hands really good and you check your teeth in the mirror before you go, and you're looking, eh, it's morning, and you just shat/shit/shitted, whatever, you look like you only without that haunted look of a person who desperately needs to shit because you just did, and you leave the temporary sanctity of the public toilet room and you find a line of people waiting, people with that haunted look that you no longer have, and you know and they know that the horrible odor is something you did, the heinous smell is the smell of the inside of your bowels?

Nope, me neither.

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