Skip to main content
I learned a lesson years ago.

It wasn't a good lesson and it hasn't served me well in the long run, but in the short term it was useful and made my life easier.

The lesson, might as well spit it out already, was this:

Do not try very hard.

Eventually people will expect less of you.

You can slide by while exerting minimal effort, you hardly need break a sweat.

If things don't turn out very well you have the convenient excuse, "Well, it wasn't my best effort" or "I wasn't really trying."

Anything less than a perfect result when I was really trying  left me thinking, that's the BEST I can  do?
I imagined others around me were shaking their heads and chuckling in disbelief, Wow, if that's the best she's got, whoa! God help her!

Put on a nice dress, comb my hair, do the make-up and look in the mirror.  That's the BEST I can do? Woof!

Write a story, put my heart and soul into it and wind up with a  piece of drivel? 

Why bother?

If the best I have to offer is substandard, why offer my best?

My 10th best effort is nearly as good as piece of poo as my soul exposing sweat soaked best best effort.

I can easily brush off the criticism with a hearty guffaw and  a breezy little, I know it sucked! I wasn't really trying anyway.

The lesson I learned was, knock yourself around before anyone else has a chance to.

Anyone who wants to hurt you will look at the bruises and realize there's no sport in knocking you around a bit more.

And they'll move on.

The only problem with my little plan is that I haven't gotten anywhere.

I've gotten lazy.

I care too much what other people think.

And that's not good.

I'm paralyzed by mediocrity and terrified of trying to succeed for fear I'll fail.

I'm afraid my best isn't very good. 

So, anyhow.

The Unicycle is in for a bit of a make over.

I'm going to try something new.

I'm going to drop the, Hey, I'm a sucky loser, so nahnahnah, you can't hurt me, facade.

It's only covering a wimpering weeping insecure gal who may or may not have much to offer.

I really don't know.

I don't know what's in there.

Might be better than I imagined.

I won't bother to explore other options.

The other options I'm not going to explore (watch me pretend not to explore them) are the ones that prove that I'm really nothing more than a sucky loser, or that my best effort is crap.

I'm not going to go there.

It's going to take a while to figure it all out.

But I'll give it my best effort.

It'll have to be good enough. 

Location: Unknown location.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Just don't call me Late to Dinner

A friend recently asked if I was ever called Maggie or if I'd always been a Margaret. That got me thinking about my name. I hate my name.  Hate it. I have never liked my name. It seems fine to call other people Margaret. It sounds agreeable enough when I say hello to another Margaret. "Hello, Margaret!" I might say. And the name doesn't offend me. It doesn't make me recoil or wretch. It's just a name. And a fine name at that. But it's not for me. I don't feel like a Margaret. It doesn't fit me well.  Hangs off me all funny and weird. Can't ever seem to wear it comfortably. I don't like to be called by name. Frankly, it makes me feel sort of sick.  When I was a chubby 3rd grader I decided I wanted to go by a nickname.   Peggy. I wrote it in my clumsy curly cursive on the front inside cover of my books.   I said it out loud to myself in the mirror. Peggy. Peggy! I liked it. First of all Peg...
6 comments
Read more

possible blog material

possible blog posts for blogtober: 15 things you don't know about my left nut: 1. I don't have a left nut 2.  I do not even have a right nut As I can only get to #2, this idea needs fleshing out before I commit to it. Hahaha...fleshing out.  some things you don't know about my cat 1. I have a cat 2. she's a cat  3. she does cat things 4. she shits in a box   15 things I want to change about myself 1. fuck this shit 2. seriously 3. back off 4. you do not want to go down this path 5. really One billion (maybe this is too ambitious) observations made while sitting on the toilet  1. someone should really mop the floor  2. I need to get some new reading material in here,   3. I think the new Oprah magazine was in yesterday's mail  4. there are only so many times you can read about living your best life while sitting on the shitter  5. reading recipes while using the bathroom is sort of we...
3 comments
Read more

Thinking about my son, jail, near death experiences, and hoping for the future

It's disconcerting when your 9 year old son asks if there are any jails in town that he could tour. My first thought, naturally enough, was that my son was planning a life of crime and wanted to see where he'd be spending 5-8 years of his life. But then I took comfort in the realization that my son is a dear darling boy who absolutely can not think past this moment. THIS moment. THIS MOMENT. He is the boy who tried to pick up fire, the boy who tried to put the knife in the toaster, the boy who ate his entire chocolate Advent calender in one sitting, never contemplating for a second what would happen next. The look of surprise and hurt after the touching fire thing was heart breaking. He was utterly disconsolate on December 2nd when he found he had no more candy and would have to watch his sister eat her stale misshapen chocolate stockings, stars, and bells, one each morning, for 24 days, in front of his very eyes. He was completely dumbfounded not not just a lit...
3 comments
Read more